Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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