Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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