Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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