K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
