I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
