I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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