She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
