Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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