i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
