I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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