Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
