Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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