Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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