The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He kissed a someone with a penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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