dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
