I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
