Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
