the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
