nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize