Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
