I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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