a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
