she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize