I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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