Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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