Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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