I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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