That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
