No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
