it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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