i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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