He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
