Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
