i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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