Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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