I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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