do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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