Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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