I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
