Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
