Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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