Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
