mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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