your thong is hanging out like whoa
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
