you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
