you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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