I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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