3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Four minutes until I can fart!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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