i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
