I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
