you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Screwed.edu
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
