I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
