Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
