Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
