Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
