Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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