8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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