If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
