I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
