So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize